


The Bard in the Dress

by Animal_Arithmetic



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Bisexual Jaskier | Dandelion, Crossdressing, Disguise, Flirting, Fluff, Geralt is a mess, Geralt is in love with Jaskier hardcore, Humor, Jaskier's Shenanigans, M/M, he's trying okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22903291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animal_Arithmetic/pseuds/Animal_Arithmetic
Summary: Jaskier needs a disguise so he puts on a dress and invents a new hat.Geralt can't handle it.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 29
Kudos: 381
Collections: Good Relationship Etiquette (familial included) - or Good BDSM Etiquette - or Good Relationship and BDSM Etiquette





	The Bard in the Dress

**Author's Note:**

> For a friend who gave me the idea <3 I hope you like it lol

Geralt should have known that he would meet up with the bard again eventually. It had only been a few months since the djinn, and he wasn’t about to admit that he missed the nuisance, but the bard was notorious for getting into trouble.

And trouble was exactly what he was looking at.

Geralt blinked at the... person... standing a few feet away. The shoulders were a little broad and the hair a little short under the... hat? But they were wearing a very beautiful dress, a shimmery teal with intricate white lace, the same as the hat, and brown boots peeked out from the hem. The hem wasn’t even dirty, suggesting it was new or they didn’t travel much. Their face was also adorned with careful makeup, lips painted a deadly red and eyes lined with silver.

But the eyes were the brightest, bluest blue he’d only ever seen on one person so far.

The bard—if that’s who this really was—was chatting with a few ladies, eyelashes fluttering. The fingernails were painted a red as brilliant as the lipstick, too.

Geralt swallowed. He didn’t know the bard could look so... _good_.

Oh, who was he kidding? The bard always looked good.

It was then that trouble spotted Geralt. Blue eyes lit up and red lips quirked up in a smile as Jaskier—Geralt was very, _very_ sure this was Jaskier, no one else ever looked at him _like that_ —made his way over to Geralt’s table in the corner.

“Why _hello_ there,” Jaskier simpered, voice pitched much higher than usual, as he slid into the seat across from Geralt. Talk about déjà vu. “What’s a man like _you_ doing in a corner all alone?”

“Cut the crap, Jaskier,” Geralt growled, leaning forward slightly. A quick whiff told him that the person before him smelled very much like he last remembered Jaskier smelling, thick and musky and some type of cream he used for his face, but hidden under a thick floral scent. Jasmine, perhaps? Something calming. “What are you doing?” He couldn’t help the way his eyes trailed down to Jaskier’s fake chest and the way the bodice of the dress made it look like Jaskier had a narrow waist but wide hips. He could feel his heartbeat quicken to almost a normal human beat. Oh no.

Jaskier’s eyes darkened as he leaned forward. He almost looked like he wanted to eat Geralt whole.

_Fuck._

“Jaskier?” he asked, eyes flashing dangerously. “I don’t know anyone named Jaskier, but that’s a _beautiful_ name.”

“I know it’s you,” Geralt said confidently, even if that confidence was wavering. Was he wrong? Was this truly a woman who looked convincingly enough like the bard? Was he seeing things because he—dare he say it— _missed_ him?

But, no. There was that familiar smirk, even if it was hidden behind makeup.

“Clever,” said Jaskier, moving a hand so two of his fingers “walked” towards Geralt. The painted nails were smooth and not as sharp as he thought they would be as they “walked” up his hand and towards his elbow. Goosebumps prickled where Jaskier’s fingers trailed and it _wasn’t fair_. At least his arm was hidden under his sleeve so Jaskier couldn't see how he was affecting him.

Geralt held back a shiver and growled out, “What are you up to, bard?”

Jaskier tsked at him and, unfortunately, retracted his hand. “Now, don’t judge me—”

“I already am—”

“But I needed a disguise.” Jaskier glared at Geralt for daring to interrupt him. “A few lords around the area want to hang me for sleeping with their wives—”

“Do you ever learn—”

“ _And_ ,” Jaskier said louder with a glare before quieting again, “some ladies are mad I slept with their husbands instead of them.”

“... Oh,” Geralt said, feeling a little faint. So, Jaskier also slept with men? Well, he knew that, sort of. The bard _had_ offered him a hand job within an hour of meeting him, after all.

Okay. So. _Listen_. It had taken a while, but Geralt sort of understood that he had... _feelings_ for the bard. They were sticky and gross and sweet but it also made him feel warm and light and he had actually been looking for Jaskier for over a month now, wishing to travel with him again. Sure, he spoke incessantly and always went looking for trouble, or maybe trouble always found him, but he was also kind and actually liked being around Geralt, for some reason. Well, and he wasn’t afraid of straight up murdering a rival out of petty jealousy...

Jaskier was interesting, that was all.

Oh, who was he kidding.

Instead of saying everything he wanted to say, Geralt raised an eyebrow and pointedly looked down at the bodice. “So you dressed as a woman?”

“You’re the only one who has recognized me,” Jaskier replied with a wink.

“Only because I’d recognize those eyes anywhere.”

_Oops._

He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. _Fuck_.

Jaskier, the asshole, fluttered his eyelashes again. “Oh _really_?” he said in a tone that did not bode well for Geralt. Not at all.

“Perhaps we should take this—elsewhere,” said Geralt, shifting uncomfortably. His pants were getting just a little too tight.

“Who knew,” Jaskier smirked, standing and holding a hand out to Geralt. Geralt took it, mesmerized by the way the skirt swished around Jaskier’s feet as he pulled him towards the stairs, “that the way to get the White Wolf into my bed was to put on a pretty dress?”

Geralt grunted, quickly making sure no one was around to watch before he pinned Jaskier to the wall at the top of the stairs. Jaskier’s bright, beautiful blue eyes were wide, lips parted just slightly. The hat hid most of his face in shadow, but the candlelight reflected just enough for Geralt to see the fondness framed there.

He couldn’t wait any longer. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to Jaskier’s, feeling how soft they were, pushing against them so they would open up for him, so he could taste Jaskier, feel his heat, his passion—

The brim of the damned hat kept getting in his way.

Geralt pulled away and glared at the offending object. “What is this, anyway?” He flicked at the brim of the hat to draw Jaskier’s attention to it.

Jaskier brightened, grinning and tugging at the brim. “Do you like it? I made it myself! I think I’m going to call it a bonnet. That sounds like a good name for it, right?”

Geralt couldn’t even be annoyed as Jaskier chattered on about his hat. Especially not when he tugged on Geralt’s hand to lead him the rest of the way to his room.

Geralt would gladly suffer the chattering if that meant he could have the bard.

**Author's Note:**

> yooooo if you want me to try my hand at a more ~steamy~ scene involving Geralt, Jaskier, and Jaskier's dress, lemme know and I'll do my best lol it would end up being a second chapter here


End file.
